Plans to convert a vacant bank unit in Staines into a 24-hour bingo hall have been refused by Spelthorne Borough Council, following claims the business would, somewhat ironically, be the “last straw” for the town’s high street.

Proposals for the former NatWest were submitted by Sunni Ed Ltd last month, and involved creating a 61-seat bingo venue on the ground floor, however the visionary councillors in Staines rejected the plans as “outrageous.”

“Ward councillor Howard Williams said the proposal went against local policy designed to protect shopping spaces in Staines town centre,” reported the BBC. “Several others added that the adult-only venue would do little to support an inclusive, family-friendly space.” 

Councillor Denise Saliagopoulos, clearly a clairvoyant, called the plans “outrageous,” and said “we’re going down a slippery slope.” Unfortunately  for the the councillor she was speaking about the dead high street that her decision will actually create.

And then there’s councillor Chris Bateson, a master of bingo analysis, who added: “Why would anyone want to play bingo 24 hours a day?”

“I can’t imagine a couple saying at 10pm, ‘Let’s go and play bingo.’”

If he, or she, had read any of the key research on bingo’s social pull, they would probably understand its widely acclaimed role in generating social cohesion and intergenerational family participation. 

Though Sunni Ed had observed the bingo hall would contribute to the “vitality and viability” of the area, concerns were raised that the company had originally intended to apply for a gambling licence.

“However,” noted the Local Democracy Reporting Service, “some did concede that bringing the building back into use could help generate footfall.”

Only some? No surprise at the short-sightedness really. After all, this is the council that tried to change the town’s name in an effort to disassociate itself from one of the funniest fictional characters in British comedy Ali G, who literally put Staines on the international map.